Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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