Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
