Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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