he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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