I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
