Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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