I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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