Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
