i want to swaddle you in tequila
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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