I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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