I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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