K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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