someone threw a dead crab at me
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize