Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
