WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
