I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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