I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
