I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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