Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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