I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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