the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize