Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
