then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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