Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
