sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize