I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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