Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just invented taco cereal.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
