i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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