1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
