i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
