brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
