The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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