I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
apparently the secret to your success is patron
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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