My Higher Power is John Stamos
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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