im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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