Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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