Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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