Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
