Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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