please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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