Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize