I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
