He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize