i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
