Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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