Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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