I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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