he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
