Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
