i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
