I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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