..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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