I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
