note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
