smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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