How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
