i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
