You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
