Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
