alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
either way he was missing a nipple.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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