over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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