I wish I only lived at night.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
