my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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