He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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