I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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