I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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