He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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