I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
