did you get engaged???
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
