Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There r osticjed everywhere
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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