Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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