Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
