You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
