had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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