I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
