so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
