hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
