it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
