Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
