and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Of course I have a pirate flag
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
