Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
