You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
