Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
