I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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