I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
