I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
