please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
