How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
