I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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