I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
