yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
