Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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