And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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