that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
