I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize