i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
