my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
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The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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