During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm having to shit out rocks
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
