Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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