my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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