turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
