I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
someone owes me an orgasm
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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