i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
