we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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