My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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